The Hospital Road
57 years ago, he was really happy with the news that his wife is going to give birth to his child. He was young then. That is what people told me, I was not there, I born 35yrs later this incident.
And his biggest dream came true; I remember quite well, he lived in flat no.013 in the building next to our street. His child born, he and his wife were coming back to their house when that accident took place, a road accident of a car with a bus. They were passing from the Hospital Road when his dream was lost forever. He and his wife had to be hospitalized for 2 weeks, they came back home, but they lost their child.
After a year his wife also died, because she wanted her child, but nature never returns anything which it takes back once.
After death of his wife, he knew that he should learn to live alone. But his heart was broken and all his love for children was overflowing.
Years passed, and then came I, people told us about his story. My mother showed some sympathy but I was always hatred of him (and I was wrong).
My brother loved him so much that daily after his school he went for his apartment. My brother was not alone, other children also liked him, may be because he loved children.
When I was 20 my hatred for him was increased. I thought that, he captured my brother’s whole childhood; he has also grown up but still loves him, however, now he visited him less.
My mother worked as baby sitter, but children liked him more than my mother.
I had no father so my mother was free (or she carried heavy chains of aloneness inside).
Till then, he became old like his apartment, most of people left that but he refused to leave that house in which his wife died. But children still went there to meet him.
One day, my mother went to him, they were friends. At that time I was also grown up and realized his feelings, now I also wanted to show sympathy for him. I also went there to meet him.
He said only a few words to me which I remember well; he said, “You are a nice girl, your brother came to me, he told me about you.” and showed a smile. His words and expressions delighted me.
Then it was my mother’s turn, but today she was a bit different. She said him, “You are old now, and this building is too. Now, you should leave this building, anything can happen here, especially when children visit you.”
But this ignited his anger and he refused again. My mother tried to convince him but he didn’t agree.
Next day, I went their alone, he was leaving the house.
I was happy that he understood, but his conversation with me changed this thought.
“Now, uncle! Where are you going?”
“To die.” He replied.
“But”, I was shocked.
“That is what others wanted?” he said.
I tried to talk to him but he didn’t reply.
“If I would get another life and I had to born again I would like to born in your house.”
I shouted on his back but he didn’t listened.
That is what happened last week. But I was shocked when yesterday I got that news. He was passing from the Hospital Road when he died in another car accident.
That Hospital Road, saved many lives, but destroyed his.
This is a very interesting short story. The character of the man shows some complexity. I am interested in understanding more of the emotional dynamics between the narrator (I am assuming it is you) and that character. For example, the line, “I was always hatred of him.” She says, “I always hated him,” that is powerful, but as the reader I want to know more about why that is. The story suggests later that it was because her brother spent so much time at the man’s house. If so, that needs to be explored more. Did she feel abandoned by her brother? Why was she reluctant to go to the man’s house with her brother?
I’ve looked through your other poetry and writing. I think you show promise as a writer. I’m not sure what the purpose of your invitation was, but if you would be interested in more detailed critique and feedback, just let me know.
I enjoyed the opportunity to read your work.
Derek
Derek
March 7, 2010
Thank you very much Derek, yes this is true that I am the writer of this story but not the narrator. I wrote the story as first person because I felt like writing so. Every human has his or her own thoughts, everyone thinks from a very own mind but the things are always different behind the face, and that is what I wanted to put upside in this story. However, that is not the main purpose of my writings but there are always hundreds of thoughts which we can bring up from one thing. I thank you again for your comment, I hope you would like to read my more writings and I would be waiting for your replies.
1stdreamer
March 8, 2010
heart touching and a very true story
may off us come across such incidents
but you wrote it realy well liked it
pallavi
May 12, 2010
This is a pretty good story, very sad what to the man.
Kyle O'Byrne
May 22, 2010
Hello everybody, this is not the only story I wrote. Since, I wanted to share it with others I posted it on a very good place on the internet and I think that others like it too. I posted it on http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/ and I think that you should also see it over there.
I’m sure that you will like that place with other people posting things like this one.
Thanks once again for reading my story.
1stdreamer
July 29, 2010
The story has a beautiful plot.. But you did not weave it with correct words.. for example- you used aloneness which can be replaced by solitude or loneliness moreover there are certain grammatical errors in your story.. But you definitely have put in great efforts for this so keep up the good work and in future try to avoid the errors which u made in this story..
Richa
August 13, 2010
Thanks for the information, I will have a look at it for sure.
1stdreamer
October 26, 2010